You are a part of my recovery.

Messages to people that I love:


I am working on forgiveness as a principle of my recovery. It's difficult for me to forgive true dishonesty. I love you. I wish you had trusted me to handle the information appropriately instead of feeling like you had to lie to me.

I can feel your volatility and it scares me. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Give people more of a chance than you do. I want you to be healthy. Please take care of yourself.

I missed you. A lot. You are a part of my family. Get used to it.

I miss you all the time. Sometimes I go days without hearing your voice now, and I wonder how we went months. I have always felt safe with you, from the moment we met. I'm still not sure how you pulled that off. I want to go get sushi and laugh about ridiculous things that we don't even have to talk about because I can almost read your mind. I don't think we've ever had a misunderstanding. That's amazing, considering I feel like one giant miscommunication with most people. We always pick up where we left off. You are the definition of a friend to me.

I am alive because of you. And not just because you gave birth to me. You're continual efforts have kept me aware, on my tip toes and growing. You are my guardian angel, and you were my biggest foe when I was bent on doing battle with myself.

You know me like nobody else does. You've seen me through more light, more darkness, more laughter and more tears than just about anyone but my mother. I love you, and I did NOT abandon you. I'm always here. Don't let the illness define you. You are more than it. Its just one part of your perception.

You hurt me. I know why you did it. I know I'm stronger because of it. I want to forgive you for it. I'm not there yet.

My beautiful friend. We get how this world is bent in a manner that is incompatible with most of our values, but we also understand the misguided notion to try and fit into it. We know what it's like to survive. Walking the line of recovery is tenuous and violent at times, but I'm holding your hand on either side of it. I know if I ever need somebody Visine'd, you're my girl.

We are undefined and unique together and apart. I am transforming, and you are a part of that. You push me to go beyond my comfort zone. I can wait for your mixed feelings to untangle and form, because I've never had simply talking strip me so absolutely bare before. Sometimes, it's like lovemaking. Earn my trust, keep the communication lines open, and I might be your one.

You're new to me, but you've shown up when I needed you. I'm always there for sobbing phone calls and laughing ones. You're eons past your physical age, lady. Don't let it kill the fun and the learning, but know it makes you precious to me, because you know what it feels like to feel 90 in your twenties. Ai.

You could have bailed on me that night, but you hung with me through some heavy stuff. I know you didn't sign up for that. Thank you.

You are sometimes my dark side, sweet girl. I see your desire to do good, and I want to nurture it. I used to be so similar to you that sometimes it's exhausting to walk through it with you again, but I will do whatever is in my power to help you save yourself. There is NOTHING wrong with you that you can't fix. I want to trust you to do right by yourself, and then me.

I'm so excited to have you back in my life. I always felt like you got me. I was always so happy to see you and I feel the connection that you spoke about more strongly than ever now, even though we're far apart. I want to come back more often. I know you understand why I don't. I will work on it.

You defined men for me for many, many years. I am undoing that damage now, with your help. You are redefining yourself and me. I am working on being open with you, so that you can know ME, and not just who I think you want me to be.


I'm working on loving you more. You're tough, sensitive, intelligent, intuitive, emotional and independent. You're also terrified. It will pass. Let go.