Rattlesnake, part 2

Venom. That's what you said.

You said I had venom in my veins after I made slip of the tongue and said water instead of blood.

Well, I got antidepressants and sedatives in my blood right now, and I ignored you at the time, because you're an uneducated troglodyte. But I don't feel like ignoring it anymore.

Of course you'd just gaslight me, like every emotional abuser and act like I'm crazy for being upset about the things you say. And considering half the things you say are at the level of an 8th grade boy, maybe I am.

But my rattlesnake says otherwise.

You make snide little comments about how I could be a better mother. And then you talk poorly about a woman who is more overt about it. I think I might respect you more if you could come right out and say what you're thinking instead of being passive aggressive. But lets just set the record straight. My son is MY child. You've been trying to lay your claim since birth, but he will never be yours. And I ignored you when you made sure to note that someone else was listening to your outdated advice. I considered it silly to get into an argument with you when you are so clearly wrong, and your actions (whether you realize it or not) border on the narcissistic. And maybe I should just keep ignoring you.

But my rattlesnake, again, says otherwise.

He isn't willing to stand up to you. Yet. He's almost there. So he lets you make your snide little comments that belittle the woman he pledged his life to. For now. And maybe I should just be patient and wait for him to stand up to you, to tell you it's not okay to speak to his wife that way.

But my rattlesnake disagrees.

People act like venom is a bad thing. It can harm you, seriously. In some cases it can kill you. But the poisonous animals of the world were given venom for a reason. To survive, and to fight for themselves when they are attacked.

The lot of you have no idea how often I keep the venom contained for the sake of the peace of my family. But you can't fight the seether forever.

I was given venom to survive. I was also given love. And while most of the time I could respond with "I appreciate your opinion," I fucking don't. You're opinion doesn't matter to me. And if I let the venom loose it would do more damage to you, to your family (since they insist on rushing to your defense even when you are a completely out of line asshole), to my family. But it would be venom laced with truth. We've tried being kind and straightforward with you, and my rattlesnake says "I shook my tail, they didn't listen."

You don't know how close to the truth you were when I said I have venom in my veins. I don't need to tell the people that pay attention who I am. They don't get the venom. Because they know love means acceptance, not belittling.

But the venom isn't in my veins, it's in my soul. Just like the venom you spew when you belittle everyone around you, and they believe you, because they don't know where it comes from. I do. You never got enough attention, you were never good enough, you were the quiet, good girl who followed instructions and held everything in. And you ignored your rattlesnake. Big mistake. Her poison built until it had no where to go but out, onto the ones you love, and you've destroyed them.

Chin up mama. You won't destroy me. And you wont destroy him, because I came into his life to wake him up to the damage you did, and it's working. He might be silent to your face. But he's open with me. He chose me, and I chose him, because we love each other so fiercely that when we get there, no one is going to touch us.

I still remember the day he stood up to you, you're unrealistic request, my tears, you're complete disregard for my feelings and the feelings of my family. It'll come again.

I guess you should screen better in the future and make sure all the family additions have low self-esteem and will do anything to please you. If they don't you can always play Catherine the Great and have them murdered.

The rattlesnake has spoken. For now. Was that enough venom for you?