The Theory of the Asshole with a Heart of Gold

We were all lied to, my friends.

Mass media and movies and stories everywhere feed us this image of love that is both unrealistic and dangerous.

I'll skip over the older abusive guy/younger naive girl issues in literature and movies, although that is a huge problem as well.

My issue is the idea that we encounter this person who is broken on the inside and deals with it by being anywhere from brusque to outright mean to the people around them in many many stories. She may be female, he may be male, they may be genderqueer, the sex/ gender identity doesn't matter. The issue is that we are supposed to look at this person and say "you...I know why you're doing that. You really just want to be loved but you're afraid of rejection so you're an asshole."

And they're often the protagonist, but sometimes they're the protagonist's love interest.  TV/Movie writers everywhere are going to hate me for stripping their characters to the bare bones (since...you know...so many of them read my writing). I can give you examples.

Dr. Cox from Scrubs. Mal Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) from Serenity, and from the rumblings in that fandom, he "sold out" by sharing his feelings. Mavis, Young Adult, Aragorn, LOTR. Kym, in Rachel Getting Married (I love this movie, I love this movie, I love it, but she is NOT a sympathetic character at first.) Keenan, the club kid from Playing By Heart (although, in his case you don't blame him, and I won't ruin the reason he's an asshole for you, but it's a doozy, and please go watch this scene for foundation (ish) and then this one. And just watch the whole dang movie it is my favorite of all time and no one has heard of it.)
Bruce Wayne, The Dark Knight Trilogy (poor traumatized Brucie who has all the money in the world but none for therapy. Don't get me wrong, Christian Bale is my favorite Batman, but like I said, we've been lied to). James Potter, from the Harry Potter series (although with very little screentime, and a huge impact). Edward Cullen, Twilight Trilogy (also part of the older guy/naive girl problem). Rob Gordon (John Cusack), High Fidelity, although at least that character is aware of his shortcomings. JAMES FUCKING BOND IN EVERY MOVIE EVER.

I could go on. But those are just the ones I could think of off the top of my head. Oh...and this is going to hurt but I couldn't complete the piece without it, it would feel hypocritical. Dean...from Supernatural. All tough talk and suck it up, buttercup, but when he's about to lose Sam he turns into a puddle or he meets a girl and he's all tenderness and caresses.

We all know chaos drives stories. We all know that conflict requires an asshole. This is why its necessary in stories and movies and whatnot. However, what we seem to have lost sight of, is that we're supposed to ESCAPE from reality with books and cinema, not confuse the two.

We confuse the two. Yeeeah, we do. That's why when a relationship is not all sweet romantic gestures and/or fights and make-ups, we just aren't sure how it's supposed to be. We worry about someone getting "too comfortable" with us, we have to shake things up.

Which, by the way, is there a fucking thing as too comfortable in a relationship, I mean my god, if you get married, the idea is you will probably have to wipe their ass or clean up their barf at sometime in your life (yes. I've cleaned up my husbands puke, but I am forever grateful that he made it to the shower at least, because there's a floor drain for the...liquid parts).

This is not to say that we all aren't broken in some way, to quote Joanie from my favorite movie up there "For Chrissakes. We're all damaged goods." We are. But we don't get to emotionally abuse, manipulate and otherwise treat people like garbage because of it.

You may have a heart of gold. You may be the sweetest, kindest, most giving person in the world underneath your douche jacket but if you can't show it to people, it doesn't matter, because it might as well not exist.

So, everyone. If someone is an asshole to you, don't cut them too much slack. I know people who's lives would turn your hair white, but they are still kind to others.

It might help assholes realize there's a problem if all of a sudden no body is letting them get away with their shit anymore.

If your life is a roller coaster, get off.